Sometimes I just feel so sad living here. Sometimes it has to do with things people say about foreigners (and missionaries). For instance, as I was walking through the neighborhood with a group of ladies from my church, they explained to me that people have been suspicious for a long time that white people eat black children. They took great delight in telling me this, saying how funny it was that people think this, but it was hard for me to laugh. I’ve heard the story many times before, from many different people, so I have no doubt it is true. Even a Mozambican pastor I know, from another part of the country, was suspected for a long time of kidnapping or stealing blood from the street children he helps. Rumors get started because people are suspicious of our motives, and since I’ve given up a lot to come over here, it makes me sad that people would think so little of me, or of missionaries in general.
I had more reason to be sad on the same day, since the seven-day old baby we were visiting already had charms tied around her wrist. These are for protection, and most babies here have them. Of course, they are leaving the baby open to evil spirits, and we believe (and many local pastors also believe) that these charms are evil. Despite preaching against them, people still use them because they are afraid that if they don’t, the baby will become ill. It is very difficult for young couples to stand up against this kind of thing, because they know that if the baby does die, everyone will blame them forever for their negligence. Family members press hard to have the charms used, and in a place where family is so important, it is hard to resist. A lot of children die here.
I also get sad when I talk to people suffering with chronic illness. I know a lady who has terribly painful knees, and there just really isn’t anything to be done for her. If she goes to the hospital, they will probably give her a few days’ worth of pain medication. That’s about it. We know a pastor who ripped out his ACL 10 years ago and as he gets older, he is finding it increasingly difficult to walk. He can’t get the surgery done here, and there is no good physiotherapy or braces to help him. How will he manage as he gets older? He doesn’t have a car to get around and will find himself homebound. I know another lady who has been ill for weeks and is growing weaker. When she goes to the hospital, she can’t communicate well with some of the nurses, because she speaks almost no Portuguese. Finally some ladies in our church agreed to go with her to translate.
I get sad when I see little boys panhandling for money on the street. When I see the mentally ill man dragging down the middle of the street half-naked with his bags of junk. When I see little girls selling trays of food in the hot sun. When I see the men riding their bicycles for miles and miles with a bag of charcoal on the back, coming home after a long day in the city where they’ve been unsuccessful in selling that bag.
Sometimes it just drags me down, all the toughness of people’s lives here. God give me the grace to be kind, to be compassionate, and to not get so sad about it that I’m of no use to anyone. – C