Uncertainty

For some of us (I won’t say who), not knowing what is coming is the worst thing EVER. It leaves us paralyzed, tentative, and fear threatens to creep in. Kevin and I have already experienced a fair amount of uncertainty in our lives, sometimes while waiting for decisions which will change the course of our lives.
This one – Covid 19 – seems different, because things are already changing but we don’t know HOW BAD it will get. When it started, we had international visitors here and we were uncertain how it would go for them to get home. Meanwhile, Toby was in limbo and we were uncertain if he would make it home. I only realized how upsetting that was after he arrived, when my brain just shut off as a way to cope with what it had been suppressing. The kids have been video gaming like crazy and I know it is not good, but have been unable to gird myself up to make them stop and do something else.
I finally realized that I am having trouble because of uncertainty. There is a knowledge deep inside me that it could get very, very bad on this beautiful continent – and yet a hope that somehow it will pass us by. I am not worried for our family – in all likelihood we would not get very sick. But if this hits the poor areas, where people are crowded and there is no running water . . . the fallout could be terrible. I watch the news and count the numbers and worry.
It has also been difficult to deal with the Christians and their assurances – this has been an issue I’ve dealt with here before. Some here believe so strongly in the power of their words to prevent and cure illness, and whenever a sickness is mentioned, the response is “You are healed in Jesus name” and that’s the end of it. Most times, the person does get eventually better, but those with chronic conditions usually don’t talk about them because they are not yet healed. Once, healing was proclaimed on a sick cousin, and 30 minutes later the announcement came that the cousin was dead. I wondered what would happen next, but the response was just that it was God’s will.
For me, these proclamations are so deeply offensive to the Scriptures and to my theological understanding, but I’m learning that in some cultures here, nobody has any problem with the lack of logical progression. You can be all in for believing for the healing, and all in for not being bothered when it doesn’t happen. Through the first days of Covid-19, the proclamations were coming thick and fast (and are still trickling along) and it caused me a great deal of inner turmoil. But I have concluded that it is better to be silent and let God speak instead. If he wants me to say something, he’ll have to tell me.
So, how does one cope with the uncertainty? That’s a lesson I am trying to learn. Without a doubt, talking to our Father about it is number one. It’s easy to avoid that, but it is essential. Talking to “your people” who are in it with you is another good idea. Maybe not watching so much news also. But I think for me, repeatedly taking a deep breath and choosing to trust God as we walk forward. He knows what is coming. He knows what will happen, and how and when. What am I choosing to be faithful with each day as the time unfolds? What do I need to grab hold of and steward well? How can I be present in each of these moments with my husband, children, and friends? How can I reach out to those around me? All good questions. I picture God’s love wrapped around me like a blanket given to people in danger of going into shock. He shelters me under his wings and if I look up into his face I will relax and trust. – C

One thought on “Uncertainty

  1. Thank you for the picture of God’s care and strength wrapping around us like a blanket, or like His feathers covering us Ps. 91…this is a hard time for me too and the uncertainty picks away at me….

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